On Friday, or perhaps Thursday, somebody made me very angry indeed. Almost angry enough to get out of my car (I was driving at the time), go up to the car in front, tap on the driver’s window and hurl a torrent of abuse at him as he lowered it. As is usual with me, though, discretion turned out to be the better part of valour and I stayed put, fuming in private. Instead, I made a mental note of his registration number and the make and model of his vehicle, fully intending to name and shame him on a brand new blog.
Time passes, of course, and very angry indeed turns to mild irritation and mild irritation to the complete inability to be surprised by the actions of my fellow humans. This driver will not get off scott free because I am going to blog about him now. However, I will preserve his anonymity because that’s what I do in this blog, so he can consider himself a very lucky man indeed.
So, what did he do to make me so angry at first and so supercilious at the end? He cut me up on a roundabout. When you come off the M55 at Broughton, there are two lanes, one to turn left and one to turn right. I was in the right turning lane because I was turning right and he was in the left turning lane because he was turning right. Yes, you read right. He was turning right from a left turning lane – a mandatory left turning lane too – so that’s 3 points on his licence straightaway, well, at least I think it is.
I mean how dare he force me, in my little red car, into the right hand lane, when I need to be in the left hand lane, going round the roundabout? Is it because he was driving an enormous 4X4? An enormous 4X4 that wastes fossil fuels that are fast running out? Wastes diesel (presumably), wears out the road and looks so damn ostentatious! It makes me mad!
So, Mr I’m a Big Clever Man because I Drive an Expensive 4X4 with a Personalised Number Plate (because I’m so sad that I have to let everybody know my initials) and Force Small Hatchbacks into the Wrong Lane Because My Car is so Big AND I don’t Give a Toss That I’m Destroying the Environment, it’s not big, it’s not clever and you should bear in mind the words of wisdom of my big sister, who is a very wise woman: it’s called the big car, small dick syndrome.